How to Help Someone With a Porn Addiction

Know that you can be a big help for someone with a porn addiction. Your non-judgmental demeanor, kind words, and helpful tips can encourage the person to enter treatment and build a healthier life. 

Here’s what you need to know to get started. 

Understanding the Signs of Porn Addiction

Knowing what a porn addiction looks like is crucial. When you can spot the signs accurately, you’ll know when it’s time to step in and hold a discussion. 

Researchers say people with porn addictions (and similar behavioral addictions) exhibit the following types of symptoms:[1]

• Impaired control: They experience cravings that are so intense that they can’t quit or reduce their porn use. 
• Narrowed interests: They neglect other areas of life as they spend so much time maintaining their addictions. 
• Enhanced risks: They keep engaging in the behavior despite the damage it causes. 

In studies of people with porn addiction, people mentioned spending more and more time on their behaviors over time. Some used porn just once per week, but others viewed the material several times per day. A few people in these studies spend up to five hours daily on a porn habit.[2]

Some people with porn addiction aren’t good at hiding their habit. They keep magazines on tables and couches, and their computers and televisions are always playing videos. 

But some people with porn addiction are very private about their behaviors. For many, these materials are closely linked to masturbation.[2] They may only engage in the behaviors while alone. The main symptom you may see is their absence. 

How to Help Someone With a Porn Addiction 

Life with an addiction isn’t easy. For someone with a porn addiction, isolation can be severe. Following these steps can help you to help them: 

Observe the Behaviors & Recognize the Signs

Know that many people with porn addiction feel intense shame. The stronger those feelings, the stronger the sense of depression.[3] To determine if someone has a porn addiction, you may need to become a detective. 

You may notice increased expenses, such as costs associated with renting porn videos, signing up for online chats, or ordering magazines. If you share a bank account with this person, spotting these problems is easier. 

The person may decline social opportunities to spend more time with porn. Every invitation you give them could be turned down. Instead, the person may choose to spend time alone in a bedroom or bathroom. 

Pinpoint the Impact 

In studies, people with porn addiction claim it’s most dangerous when it impinges on their relationships.[4] For example, men who consume porn compulsively may hurt their partners’ feelings. They may cycle in and out of relationships due to this behavior. 

You might also notice that the person loses jobs, as they are late to work due to porn. Or they may talk about getting reprimanded at work for their distractibility. They may even use porn while on the clock.

The person may also talk with you about depression or a poor mental state. Their feelings may not cost them anything like a job or a relationship, but they can make life very hard. 

Think hard about how the porn addiction is changing this person’s life. Take notes and keep them, as you’ll use them later. 

Hold a Constructive Conversation 

Remember that porn addiction comes with a lot of shame. Your job isn’t to add to those negative feelings. People often self-soothe with more porn. If you blame them, you’ll make those issues worse. 

Your conversation should be kind and gentle. You should be focused on helping the person to see the problem clearly, along with how life can be better if they get help and learn to change their behavior. 

Identify a Treatment Program 

People with a porn addiction may not realize that help is available. You can do some homework about treatment programs in your area. 

Use the internet, and focus your search on treatment programs that specialize in behavioral addictions, like one triggered by porn. Keep notes about those programs, and grab brochures you can share. 

Tips to Help You Talk About Porn Addiction 

When you’ve done your homework, you’re ready to hold a conversation about what’s going wrong and what could be going right. 

Open the talk with person-first language.[5] Don’t talk about the disorder or use labels that target them. 

Instead, talk about the disorder as an entity. You’ve likely done this before. If your friend had the flu, you wouldn’t call them a “flu person.” Instead, you’d call them “someone with the flu.” Do the same with a porn addiction. 

You could tell them about the symptoms you’ve seen and the impact the behaviors are having. You could explain the treatment programs you’ve uncovered. And you could offer to help the person to recover.

These tips may help as you talk:[6]

• Ask the person what kind of support will promote change in their life. Let them tell you what they need from you. 
• Affirm the positive about the person. Tell them you know they can get better. Give them an idea of what the future could look like if they get help.
• Remain hopeful about recovery. Be there for them as they take the first steps toward getting help.

If this talk goes well, the person could be on the road to recovery. And you made that possible.